Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Amish Models Fight the BP Oil Spill!!!

Hey, everyone knows you're sick of checking out the oil spill. After all, who wants to spend week after week looking at this:
Oil Spills: Not Pretty

What Americans really want is naughty girls in underwear. The naughtier, the better, it would seem, as the "Amish" model who sells her underwear seems to be proving. She's been on Howard Stern and now she's rocking American Pinup.
Not an Amish girl in her underwear, but who'd know it?
The votes are in, this is what the people want.

When the alternative is Nancy Pelosi, discussing politics, who can blame them?
Amish models need wrinkle cream?
This ain't what people want, but it's who is running the show while they look away.

But hey, if you came here looking for Amish hotties in swimwear, here you go:
Amish hotties in swimwear at the beach. Watch out Sports Illustrated!
Amish Hotties on the Beach!

But that's not got the shock value of a chick who's "broken free" of her religious upbringing, cast reservations aside, and dons swimwear that dissolves in contact with water, right?
Amish models in candy underwear--or Presbyterian, or Catholic, or something. Those repressed chicks are maniacs, right?
Those repressed chicks become maniacs when they break free of their religious upbringing, right?

Don't watch your government. Look the other way. Thaaat's it. Ignore what's going on behind the curtain...
No Amish Chicks in the Smoke-Filled Rooms where they run your life, nothing here to see.
Nothing to see here, we're just running your life. Move along...

So keep checking out those hot models. Much more interesting than how you're being screwed by your "representatives".
Amish underwear, Hindu underwear, Atheist underwear, it's all good, right?
Does it matter what denomination the underwear is?

As the song says, "Look away, look away, look away..."
Amish chicks make life better for =everyone=.
Supposedly Amish models make policy making soooo much easier!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Tip O'Neill Caused the Gulf Oil Spill!

The latest news that Halliburton was involved in the terrible oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico stops too soon. Naturally, The Atlantic uncovers half the story, then they stop once they find they've twisted the path to find the answer they like.

Trying to blame the Great Satan Halliburton for causing the oil spill is just too silly for words, but the usual crowd of fools have bought the fairy tale and are spreading it faster than oil on water.

U.S. Minerals Mis Management So Called Service Logo
Of course, there's no blame to the group that's supposed to be over seeing the process. It's all Halliburton, Halliburton, Halliburton. If the Minerals Management Service (so-called) had all the data, why did they approve this operation?

Liz Birnbaum, head of MMS, explains
Always an excuse, never an explanation. Liz Birnbaum, head of the MMS.

Ken Salazar, spreads FUD.
Fortunately, it's all easily explained as Bush's fault, as Secretary of the Interior Salazar demonstrates. Or Cheney's, what's the diff?

Napolitano describes the government response to the oil spill.
The government's response to the oil spill was quick, says Janet Napolitano, once they decided to get off their duff, three or four days later, and decided to start looking around to see if they can find the car keys and cell phone and stuff. So they could start making speeches and threats to BP.

MMS Gulf Region Flunky. A Born Loser, built to take a fall.
Fortunately, the government is prepared. They've got a doughy white guy pre-positioned in the MMS's Gulf Region all ready to be set up for a fall if there is any public outcry against the government. Obama: "It's not my buck!" Napolitano: "We've been all over this, and besides, the buck never got here!" Salazar: "Don't look at me!" Birnbaum: "Keep looking, I'm not going down."
Lars Herbst: "Huh? Uh-oh..."

Tip O'Neill explains his theory of government.
Fortunately, they can keep following the thread back. Another chunky white guy, Tip O'Neill, was behind the Federal Oil and Gas Royalty Management Act, emphasis on the "Royalty", which put the MMS in charge here. So blame the dead guy. If that doesn't stick, prepare a public confession ala 1984 for Mr. Herbst.